A Time to Keep Silent, A Time to Speak

Call it a curse, call it a blessing - but every time I set out to do something I ask my self, "Why?"  "Why would I do this or why would I do that?"  Looking back, that's precisely how I started my blogging journey three years ago.

"When I first heard of blogging, I initially thought "Why would anyone do that?"  It reminds me of  when I was young and first exposed to the process involved in having children.  I remember saying, "Why would anyone do that!"

 

I have lived long enough to get answers in both cases.  However, giving birth to a blog several years ago still makes me feel like I did when I was handed my first born and sent home to figure it all out."

Just like parenting, there's been a lot of trial and error, but there's also been great information and great mentors that have influenced me along the way.  I will be forever grateful to those who impacted our family's parenting process.  Today, I am thankful for those who have been influencing me as a person and as a writer.

Also as a parent, I admit that there were days I questioned my purpose and my influence, but no matter what came our family's way, God's Word and good mentors helped me find the bravery, the courage and the heart to move forward.

As a writer, I have questioned my purpose and my influence as well.  For a season, I chose to keep those thoughts to myself.  And although I knew where to find the bravery, the courage and the heart, I still chose to keep silent.

For those of you who know me really well, I have followed Christ from a young age and have held close to my heart the verses from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8:

For everything there is a season,

and a time for every matter under heaven:

. . .  a time to keep silence, and a time to speak . .

The choice to keep silent can be the result of a lack of courage or it can be the result of applied wisdom.  Only the one making the choice will truly know.  I can't say what is was that has happened, but it was made clear to me that it is no longer a time to keep silent, but it is a time to speak.  It is my prayer that any future words serve to be a blessing!

Blessings,
Lisa

A Time to Remember

Today marks the anniversary of a day that I am sure no one in our family will ever forget.  Another year has passed since we lost the head of our household - a beloved husband and father of three teens.  As I thought of what I could possibly say to give remembrance, I found that I could not say it any better than I did the week that Ken left us here on earth to live eternally in the presence of our Lord.  I decided to share some favorite family pictures and a re-post from the day that changed our lives forever.

Blessings, Lisa

Thank you, Lord, for introducing me to Ken.  Because of him I have had the opportunity to live an amazing life! He was my best friend of my youth. We attended the same high school, got married, finished college together and then lived in a variety of wonderful

places in IL, MO, MI, TX and WI.

Ken was lead into the ministry which took us to the other side of the world and back.  He served churches in Almaty, Kazakstan; Townsend, WI; 

Washburn, IL and LaRose, IL. 

We were blessed with 25 years of marriage and three great children.  He imparted wisdom and truth unto them and through them, his legacy will definitely live on! 

This week we said "See you later" to a wonderful husband, father, pastor, and friend.  Words cannot express the impact that his knowledge and wisdom has had on so many people all across the world.  

He will be missed but never forgotten.  

We are comforted knowing that his faith was in his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  We are comforted knowing that he fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith.  His body has been healed and he lives eternally in God's presence. 

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

time to be born, and a time to die. . ."

A Very Hard Post To Share - Please Pray

This is a very hard post to share because I care very much about this family.  It is also hard to share because our family knows first hand the pain, sorrow and uncertainties that come with a diagnosis of cancer.

Diana and "Her Hero" have been family friends for the past several years and they are truly in need of prayers right now.  Diana is a wonderful wife, mother, friend and "blogging friend" to many people.  She has a witty way of sharing experiences of life, yet she also cares deeply for others and often rallies prayer warriors on others behalf through her blog.  She has been there for our family and we have received the blessings from the prayers that she has rallied for us.  

I am sharing the link to her blog post below and ask you to pray for her dear husband who was recently diagnosed with a fast growing cancer.   

A Very Hard Post To Write - Please Pray For Us - My Hero Has Cancer

He is a strong man of faith ready to take on this battle!  Now it's time to rally the prayers for his healing and recovery.  So if you can, please pray for a Christmas time miracle! 

The Work of Grief

I was given a book by my mother about grieving just after Ken had passed away.   I am a firm believer in being a student and actively learning each day.  This book became a great resource for developing a better understanding of what our family has been going through.   So far I have learned that there is no set way to grieve,  that it will be different for everyone and that there is "work" involved in grieving.

I thought I'd share that we have each been grieving in our own way and as the days pass by, many things DO get better.   I believe each of us will gain strength from the things we have experienced and learned during this time.   I also believe that strength gained will be used to serve others in our own special way.

 

I have yet to do all of the "work" of grieving but I have gotten past many difficult things.  Some of this "work" is emotional - as emotions emerge at unexpected times.   Some is physical - especially as I begin to sort things and downsize.   Some is logistical - or what I now refer to as the paperWORK of grief.  So if I haven't written yet, called or came by to visit - it is because I'm still working on bringing closure to many things and taking time to envision new dreams. 

Today marks six months since Ken passed away so I thought I'd update my Blogger online profile. Here's how it now reads:

I am a Christian, was a wife but still a mom. Although I loved my career as a Recreational Therapist, I have been blessed to be a stay-at-home mom for the past nineteen years. It's been a privilege to home-school our children for most of their education. My late-husband was a pastor who was great at teaching people of all ages. He definitely left a legacy, especially in my life. Because of what he taught me, I seek to make a difference in people's lives by sharing resources, wisdom and encouragement!

What a blessing to have been lead and taught by someone who knew what it meant to leave a legacy!  I look forward to getting back to the "work" of leaving a legacy even though it may always be intertwined with the "work" of grief.

I truly look forward to reconnecting with many of you as I write.   I look forward to crossing paths when we can but as always, I look forward to encouraging each other through our words and prayers!

Blessings ~ Lisa

Signs of Spring

In every place there seems to be different things that are considered the signs of spring.  Growing up I remember hearing people say that spring is near when the first Robin would appear.

For ten years our family lived in Wisconsin. One thing we loved about living in Wisconsin was the winter wonderland of fun so it became a family tradition for the kids to build a snowman.  

 

The past two winters we have lived in Illinois.  I think we must have brought some of the winter wonderland with us because both winters have had more snow than usual.  Once again the kids built a snowman. 

As you can see "Little kids,  little snowman.  Big kids, BIG snowman! "

Getting back to the signs of spring . . .

. . . spring is felt when the snowman begins to melt! 

What are your signs of spring?  Is it here, is it near or will it ever appear?

Planning to Have the Best Year

Today is THE day!  Today is the day many of us reflect, review and resolve to make next year the best year ever, or at the very least, better than last year. I personally had a love-hate relationship with this time of year for many years.

I LOVED this time of year for setting goals and having the opportunity to do things better.  I HATED the feeling of failing that came just weeks later.   So, I simply looked for more occasions throughout the year to "start over".  Then I wouldn't feel like a complete failure for not doing what I aimed to do because I gave myself a second chance with each "start over".   I found that I could START OVER on my birthday, on the first day of the church year and on the first day of the month.  I could even START OVER on the first day of the week. As I continued this love-hate relationship between my actions and my feelings,  I recognized that only the TRUTH would set me free of this crazy thinking cycle.

By remembering daily WHOSE I am, I can review each day and be thankful for my blessings,  be aware of my faults,  be sorry for my sins and rest in the assurance that Christ paid the price so I can start over each day a new day no matter how I felt about what I accomplished that day!  As a redeemed child of God, I am never a failure.

I also learned that the setting of regular goals with completion dates, with motivating rewards, a weekly review plus a daily plan of action was the way to stay on track with the earthly tasks of life.   I continue to learn better ways to achieve the things that I want/need to do.  My failure or success in action is just that and I can choose to take the steps in the right direction each day.

Now I have grown to love the "START OVER" that each day offers but I still love this time of year for major reflection and goal setting.  I hope you come to love and appreciate the opportunity each new day brings and that you plan to make this your best year!

TODAY is the day!

A Time to Celebrate

Much has happened this year to have our family take pause and notice just how precious life is, but I am sure we are not the only ones.  What in your life has lead you to pause a moment and take note?

Even though this was our most difficult year as a family, it was a year that showed us God's loving kindness through so many people.  We are all still processing our loss as we move forward in life without Ken.  Many unexpected things have needed tending to. Many undone projects still need addressed.  I will admit that nothing has gone as planned, if you can actually plan out such a time as this.  Then the holidays came quickly as we passed by Ken's (would be) 45th birthday, Thanksgiving and now Christmas. 

Even though it is a time of readjustment, no matter what has gone on in our lives  - Christmas is always a time to pause and take note of the promises of God.  It is always a time to celebrate! 

  With that said, we hope you had a Merry Christmas!

Life Goes On

Today is a day in which our culture celebrates the myths and fears that surround death.  Some of the cultural traditions are fun and some are down-right scary.  Although we can claim to have had some fun on All Hallows' Eve, our family grew to be fairly indifferent to the celebrations going on around us on this day. In fact, it never crossed my mind to purchase candy this year so we are sitting at home with the porch lights OFF!

On the eve of All Saints Day, when many are celebrating the uncertainty that surrounds death, I thought I would write a little about the certainty that comes to those who have faithfully departed in Christ.  About a month ago we said "see you later" to my life-long friend and husband of twenty-five years.  Because of the long term nature of Ken's health problems our family had many opportunities to face reality and to prepare for closure.  We actually considered that part of his illness to be a blessing through the years.

 

Ken had survived liver cancer in 2006 by receiving a life-saving liver transplant.  Throughout 2014 his transplanted liver had been slowly failing and we knew that it was a matter of time before it had completely failed.  Even though Ken was diagnosed with a rare liver disease in 1989 he lived a life much better than the doctors ever expected.  Because of this diagnosis we learned to live a life that kept the truly important things in the forefront.  We learned to say the things that were really important to each other and to our children.  Ken wrote each child a letter before his passing yet there was nothing written that wasn't said at some time.   He did the same for me and I now have in writing letters that highlighted the years of spoken words.

About a week before Ken died he asked me to have our children, parents and pastors meet with him at the hospital.  He had struggled that day with a lot of pain and wanted this opportunity to speak some final words to his loved ones while his mind was clear. He spoke with us all as a group assuring us of his conviction and faith in Jesus Christ. He spoke individually to each of us assuring us of his personal love.   We then ended the night with bible readings and a service to accommodate the dying. 

As a final act of love and closure for us all,  Ken also planned the entire funeral.   He typed out the worship service,  he chose all of the Bible readings and all of the hymns. I think it was so well done it was ready for printing once the church secretary had added in the day of death along with the name of the Pastor officiating the service.  The funeral service ended with this verse from 2 Timothy 4:7 -

 

"I have fought the good fight.   I have finished the race.   I have kept the faith."  

As he planned the service with a specific message in mind,  this verse alone left us all with a final message.   Although life goes on, we were being encouraged to stay focused on the finish line of this earthly race so that life will go on eternally for us all, like it did for him.

A Time for Everything

Thank you, Lord, for introducing me to Ken.  Because of him I have had the opportunity to live an amazing life! He was my best friend of my youth. We attended the same high school, got married, finished college together and then lived in a variety of wonderful
places in IL, MO, MI, TX and WI.

Ken was lead into the ministry which took us to the other side of the world and back.  He served churches in Almaty, Kazakstan; Townsend, WI; 
Washburn, IL and LaRose, IL. 

We were blessed with 25 years of marriage and three great children.  He imparted wisdom and truth unto them and through them, his legacy will definitely live on! 

This week we said "See you later" to a wonderful husband, father, pastor, and friend.  Words cannot express the impact that his knowledge and wisdom has had on so many people all across the world.  
He will be missed but never forgotten.  

We are comforted knowing that his faith was in his Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.  We are comforted knowing that he fought the good fight, finished the race, and kept the faith.  His body has been healed and he lives eternally in God's presence. 

"For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: 

time to be born, and a time to die. . ."

A Time for Comfort

Do you know people who must have all of the details before making a decision?  It sure can be annoying when you are waiting for THAT person to decide so you can get on with whatever you were deciding about - especially if it is Friday night and you are trying to decide what to do, where to eat or what movie to watch!

Well, I am normally that kind of person - one who collects information so I can make an informed decision.  This makes total sense to me and many others with a similar personality, but I can also admit to making several VERY naive decisions in my life.  I did not have ALL of the information before getting married, but I did it anyway.  I did not have ALL of the information before having children, but had them anyway.

This week I made another naive decision.  I had a general idea of what hospice was but found there was not time to gather ALL of the information.  We knew that Ken's health was failing fast, that he was not going to be able to fight for a liver transplant any longer so we decided to learn more about hospice services.  In less than two days, I met with three different hospice representatives.  I learned that hospice services can be offered in the hospital, in a nursing home, in a special hospice home or in your own home.  I naively chose our own home.  We home school, so why not do hospice at home too?

I have always said that home school is not for everyone.  I can honestly say the same about hospice care in the home.  It is not for everyone.   Shortly after we got home from the hospital, a hospice nurse met us at our home to make sure we had everything we needed.  Ken was very tired and went to bed.  He got up a few times in the night but by the next morning he was unable to get up any more.  I was overwhelmed with his care wondering if this naive decision was a very good one.  I did not have ALL of the information but am doing it anyway.

Just like getting married or having children, I have found that hospice care in the home is very similar.  Marriage and giving birth were definitely overwhelming at some point.  Both being married and raising children involved a learning process throughout each stage.  There is also no way to be married or to raise children without selfless acts of love and service to another person.   The past two days have been very difficult but our whole family is learning as we go.  The process of passing has begun and everyone in our family is finding ways to serve, love and care for Ken. We will learn through each stage, for however long that we need to learn.

We already have so many people to thank for being there for us, for setting up meals, for listening, for encouraging us and for praying. We appreciate it all very much!

The Greatest Tool of All

Although my husband is a pastor, I am not claiming that what you read next will be the greatest analogy or that I will have the best theological explanation for what I am about to say but it was on my mind to open up that tool box and show you a little of what was inside.

We are under a lot of stress right now as we think about all that life is and all that life is not.  And there are tools in our toolbox that truly help us get through each and every day.  These tools come in all shapes and sizes but have helped us live a life of purpose and a life of peace.  I believe many of the tools are meant to be shared and talked about.  That is one of the purposes of this blog - to write about ALL THINGS IN LIFE as we are LIVING them, to talk about the tools that we have been given and been using, hoping that it helps you live the life you were meant to live!

Most of the time we have a smile and a sense of peace about all that we have been through in this life and all that we must still go through.  Yet there are times, like right now, when it feels like the burden is too heavy to carry and the pain is too much to bear.  That's when we open up our tool box and use what is in there to get us through. 

The greatest tool of all in our "tool box of life" is God's Word which was a tool given to us as a gift.  I was very blessed to have found this tool in my tool box because my parents placed it there when they placed me in the hand's of God through Holy Baptism.  That gift was shared with Ken many years later and he too began to access this tool in his daily life. 

We had to learn how to use this tool but as we learned to use it we grew as friends, we grew in marriage and we grew in life with this being the greatest tool of all!  This tool is the one that brings us comfort when we are stressed, that breaks us when we are needing fixed and that fixes us when we are broken.  It is also capable of making all of the adjustments necessary to get us back on course and point us in the right direction if we were to get lost.  It is the foundational tool through which all other tools are made.

It is our prayer that God's Word is in your life too -  serving you, fixing you and comforting you as you experience ALL THINGS IN your LIFE.

How Do You Do It?

After spending the past two months at home, Ken was readmitted to the hospital.  Due to the concerns and symptoms it was decided that going to a local hospital in Peoria was best for Ken and our family.  Our goal is to get several things back under control so that he can return home soon.

Our family has been through some good times and some "not so good" times, especially during the past eight years.  A question that I have been asked often this week is "How do you do it?"  or put another way, "How do you live with all of this stress and still smile?"

 In reality, we have been married 25 years . . . 

. . . for better and for worse and for more worse!

 

We have talented kids that appear to be well adjusted!

Yet this week we face the reality that Ken's chronic illness is really a terminal situation.  So, yes, there is a lot of stress!  Yes, there are decisions to be made.  BUT yes, thanks to God, there are tools in our "toolbox of life" that have helped us all cope with the stress.  Next time I will show you what is in our tool box!

The Mystery is SOMEWHAT Reavealed!

In an earlier post, I shared that our son was invited to participate in a "Mystery Mission Trip."  We have taught our kids that it is important to serve others so it was not a surprise that our son was excited about going on a trip with his track coach even though he did not know WHERE he was going or WHO he was going with!

The leaders of this trip work through Youth For Christ and none of the youth knew where they would be traveling to.  They just knew their group would be going SOMEWHERE to do SOMETHING. The YFC leaders wanted to instill upon this group that serving is more about the people than the place.  

Our son joined this smaller group from a town nearby.  They headed south to meet up with a couple of other youth groups from Central Illinois. This was the first mystery revealed ~ several groups would work together for the entire week SOMEWHERE. 

 

I asked our son where they went for the week and as it turns out - he still has no idea where they went!  He just knows they went SOMEWHERE down south and did SOMEWORK.  So, here he is with a shovel in his hand.  I would say this looks like evidence of hard work!

 

Here he is with a rake.  

"How do we get him to do this at home?"

 

In addition to working, there was a historical lesson based upon where the group was for that day.  These lessons took place in museums, parks and homes.  It looks like they also had SOMEFUN!

We did hear many stories from our son and I SOMEWHAT figured out where they went by visiting the Metamora Campus Life Facebook Page.  There are several hundred pictures posted here by Christian Papach, one of the leaders who happens to be an outstanding photographer.  I am very thankful to have a better understanding of the trip through Christian's pictures and appreciate his permission to post a few here. 
 
It seems that many friendships were formed and many things were learned as these youth experienced history lessons, life lessons, teamwork and the blessing of serving others.  Perhaps SOMEDAY we will find out exactly where they went!

A Third Chance at Life?

When this blog was started earlier this year, I stated that it would include a variety of articles fitting the theme "All Things In Life".  A variety of topics will be coming in the near future, but today I will give another update on how Ken has been doing.

I wrote last month about Ken's "second chance at life" in two parts: Part One and Part Two because his first liver transplant in 2006 took place over the course of two days.  Now he waits for a second transplant which we have referred to as a "third chance at life".  Based on all that has happened during the past eight years, this really could be considered his fifth or sixth chance at life but then it would sound like we were talking about the neighborhood alley cat!

A second transplant is something that we never expected to be an option.  The reason it is an option now is because Ken's liver is failing from a liver disease known as primary sclerosing cholangitis (PSC).  The first transplant was necessary because the PSC had advanced into a form of liver cancer that was detected very early.  This time the PSC has lead to end stage liver disease.  The best way to describe end stage liver disease is to imagine taking one of these every day . . .
 

I have never known anyone to be told multiple times that they did not have long to live but now I walk this path once again with my life-long friend and husband of 25 years.  What does one do when they are told such news?  Do they really feel like going sky diving or Rocky Mountain climbing?  The first time Ken was told that he would not live long without a liver transplant, he was 36 years old and looked very healthy.  The diagnosis did not line up with any symptoms because there were none.  Although he could have gone, there was no time for sky diving when you are in need of cancer treatments.  Very quickly you do not feel like doing anything.

 
Ken is now in need of a second liver transplant because his liver has been failing all year.  He has been in the hospital more than home in 2014, but right now he has been home for about five weeks without a reason to go back to the hospital.  We have learned to manage many things at home and do receive weekly visits from a home health nurse.  Ken is very limited on how long he can be on his feet so falling from the sky is not an option.  However, we were told by a local doctor that he has never seen anyone with a liver this bad be able to be upright at all.  That perspective helps us appreciate the littlest of things.

A failing liver brings on many daily challenges so we must take each day as it comes.  We really do not know what the future will bring.  Like we told our children when they were 6, 9 and 11, "Daddy will either receive another chance at life, or he will receive eternal life."  Now they are 14, 18 and 20 and while the circumstances may seem a little different the message is still the same.

 

A Second Chance at Life: Part 2 - "The Surgery"

As I recall the events that lead up to the liver transplant in 2006, I am amazed at how slowly the day progressed.  Prior to that day I imagined a phone call interrupting the normal flow of family life, followed by a mad rush out of the house into the van.  I could see us flying down the country roads onto the highway making great time as we drove across the state of Wisconsin, only to be stopped briefly by an empathetic state trooper who so kindly gave us a police escort the rest of the way. I expected a quick good-bye at the hospital as they rushed Ken off to surgery to receive the transplant.

Instead, we received the first call from the transplant coordinator at 3am, followed by a second call at 6am on July 30^th.  We knew that Ken was in the top five on the transplant list so we already had most of our bags packed for the call, much like we did when expecting our children to be born.  Even though most things were ready to go we did not go back to bed after receiving the first call.  Once we got confirmation to start driving to the hospital we got in the van and headed south.
 
It was a rainy morning so logic set in and I decided to drive the speed limit because it made no sense to become an organ donor on the way to receive a transplant!  We made it to Oshkosh by 8am and the EAA Airventure traffic on the road was minimal, so we passed by the thousands of campers with no problem.

We arrived to the hospital by 10am.  We were met there by several family members and friends.  Then we hurried up and waited.  Ken was actually the fifth transplant of the day so he was taken at 5pm into the surgery.  We waited in the surgical family room all night.  Around 2 am on July 31, I received a phone call from the operating room that the transplant had just taken place!  So this is the day that actually marks the eighth year anniversary of Ken's first liver transplant.

A Second Chance at Life: Part 1 - "The Call"

The next two days represent an unusual anniversary for Ken but I decided to share this story in memory of the events that took place eight years ago.

Ken was diagnosed with a liver disease  known as primary sclerosing cholangitis in the Spring of 1989.  This diagnosis came about a year after he had graduated from high school and just weeks before we got married.
 

Nearly 17 years after the original diagnosis, Ken was then diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma - a type of liver cancer in the biliary tree.  About 10-15% of people diagnosed with PSC will also be diagnosed with bile duct cancer, which is normally fatal within six months.

In the 1990's, Mayo Clinic developed a protocol that would open the door for liver transplantation for some people diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma.  Otherwise, this door was not an option for this aggressive type of cancer.  Ken began the "Mayo Protocol" at the beginning of 2006.  He had to receive aggressive radiation treatments as well as oral chemotherapy for about two months.  He then underwent exploratory surgery to check for metastases before being placed on the liver transplant list.  This surgery showed no spread of the liver cancer, but did reveal a type of kidney cancer.  (A story for another day.) Ken was officially placed on the list and continued to receive chemotherapy while waiting for a transplant.  According to the protocol, the liver transplant needed to occur by the end of the sixth month of the protocol.  Ken was granted exception points for his MELD score in order to increase his chance of receiving a transplant in time.

On the last day of the six month of this protocol, we received a phone call from Ken's transplant coordinator that a liver may be available for him.  This call came at 3am but we were asked to wait for another call before actually driving to the hospital.  

Interestingly, we had prayed that Ken NOT receive a call for the transplant on this weekend.  We had a guest from out of state so we were hoping to enjoy the weekend visiting with her.  We also did not want to be caught up in the traffic from the EAA Fly-In in Oshkosh.  By 6am we had received a second phone call telling us to drive the four hours to Madison for a probable transplant.  

As it turned out, it was a huge blessing to have a guest at this time because we were able to leave the kids at home.  Ken said good-bye to each one knowing that he may not see them until after the transplant.  They were 12, 11 and 7 years old on this day.  

We did not know anything about the donor for Ken's first transplant for nearly two years.  In 2008 we did receive a letter from a wife who had lost her husband tragically in a motorcycle accident on July 30, 2006.  On this day we remember the gift that this man gave to our family by being an organ donor. Because of his gift, Ken received a second chance at life.

Are You Having Safe Fun?

Ken officially spent the first half of July in the hospital.  We expected the last trip back to Madison to be a short one designed to tweak his electrolyte imbalance, but it turned into a week long stay.  We were then home a handful of days before needing to go to a local hospital, which resulted in another week long stay away from home.  As we hung out at the UW Transplant Unit during the 4th of July weekend, we could not help but notice the greatly increased helicopter activity! 
 

While we do not know the reasons for all of the helicopter landings, we do know that a lot of people were NOT having safe fun.  We also know that there is a strong correlation between the increased travel to Wisconsin in the summer and the number of transplants that occur during this time. 

As I finished up this post we heard another helicopter landing on the pad nearby.  That makes it more than a dozen landings so far today.  We sure hope you all are having SAFE FUN this summer!